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Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

I know that it has been a very, very long time since anything has been posted on this blog.  To be honest I’m not sure where to start or how to begin what I’m about to say.

Kevin and I have been separated for over 2 years.  I have given him chances and more chances.  I gave him an ultimatum with a list like counseling, getting a job and saving up money so we can be together. I extended the deadline.  I needed signs that Kevin loved me and wanted to repair our marriage.  Instead he pulled away, not talking to me for about 2 months while he read books related to his thesis. He called me a distraction. Grrrr.

Kevin made so many bad choices in our marriage. He made quite a few bad choices since we have been separated. Plus there were so many broken promises… To be honest Kevin put me in an extremely tough spot.  I prayed. I thought. I talked to my counselor.  I talked to my priest. I listened, talked and prayed some more til I came to a very sad conclusion.

Our marriage cannot be saved.  I have filed for divorce and will start the annulment process after our divorce is final.

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I am befuddled, perplexed, and lost for words and ways to help my husband, so we will be together again.  How can a person be helped if they repeat mistakes and are unwilling to look at and learn from the past?  It breaks my heart but I it is inexplicable to me how he thinks and acts, plus his inability to listen to advice and to try that advice to change for the better.

Right now I know the main thing I can do is to pray for my husband.  I pray that our marriage, a holy covenant, doesn’t fall apart but…

My heart aches…

God is in control. I know this. Even though things with my husband seem so discombobulated.

God Bless.

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Bishop Zubik’s friend who is a rabbi supports same-sex marriage on the basis of individual equality so he penned a great article in response to his friend, explaining the importance of marriage being between a man and woman, and how his friend is wrongly applying individual equality to marriage.  Here is the article:

 

Bishop David A. Zubik
Bishop of Pittsburgh

For a long time, three decades plus, I have been a fan of the ABC network morning TV show “Good Morning America.” Starting back in the early 1980s, from co-hosts Charlie Gibson and Joan Lunden, to current co-hosts Robin Roberts and George Stephanopoulos, the show has been the background voice to help me get ready for my day. In the 1990s, through the kindness of our local news anchor and friend, Mike Clark, I had the grand opportunity to be in the studio and on the set of “Good Morning America” in Times Square.

Of all the features I enjoyed about “Good Morning America,” my favorite was a duet interview every Friday morning back in the ’80s that was affectionately dubbed “The God Squad.” A rabbi and a priest each week would address some news item or contemporary issue. It was so interesting to hear Rabbi Marc Gellman and Msgr. Thomas Hartman from the New York area bring religion to “Good Morning America.”

What prompts me to share this slant with you is that, over the past few years, a number of Pittsburghers have commented on our own “God Squad” in southwestern Pennsylvania: once again a rabbi and a priest — Rabbi Aaron Bisno of Rodef Shalom Congregation in Pittsburgh’s Oakland neighborhood and yours truly. I must admit I blush at the comparison, but like it as well.

It’s no secret that Rabbi Bisno, his wife, Michelle, and I are friends — in fact, very good friends. We have traveled to Rome and the Holy Land together. Each year, Rabbi Bisno comes to the Christmas Eve Mass at St. Paul Cathedral. Each year, I go to Rodef Shalom to commemorate the Jewish high holy day, Yom Kippur. We have shared everything from good meals to even better conversation. We trust each other with our struggles and our joys.

We both realize that, while our friendship is personal, it also means more than that. Publicly representing the Jewish and Catholic communities, our friendship is within a much larger context. We have been able to use our friendship to further enhance Jewish and Catholic relations in Pittsburgh, while working together, we hope, for the good of the whole community of southwestern Pennsylvania.

More than two individuals

Which is my whole point in responding to Rabbi Bisno’s Forum commentary Sept. 8 in the Post-Gazette. My friend, Aaron, argues support for same-sex marriage based on the concept of individual rights. “Judaism teaches that all human beings are equal, unique and of infinite worth,” Rabbi Bisno wrote, and that by refusing to accept same-sex marriage, he argues, society fails to “honor every person’s divine likeness.”

No one, I hope and pray, would argue against the infinite worth of the individual. And central to Catholic understanding is that each of us is created in the image and likeness of God. Without exception!

But the inherent disagreement I have with my friend’s argument is that he defines marriage in the context of the individual. Marriage has never been understood in faith or society as based on an individual’s self-definition. Marriage has always been defined and understood as two becoming one to create life, to create family, to create society, to create goodness through the generations. CONTINUED 

 

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*Note*Some of the content below is specifically directed at Catholics as well as fallen away Catholics.

Kyle’s post, The Benefit of Panic, spurred my thoughts about postmodern thinkers in general. Not all of this is necessarily about him since I am unsure as to what his actual beliefs are now. The first paragraph contains my thoughts specifically on his post.

I can understand Kyle’s denunciation of the quotes that he posted by well-known Catholics which display misogyny. We all should do the same. I am not sure that I understand how he leaps from denouncing some arrogant men and their misogynist beliefs toward women, which is not a doctrinal matter, to seemingly giving sympathies and justification to redefining the meaning of marriage, even when that would mean the reversal of official Church doctrine as well as mean countering 2000 or so years of what we have known to be the definition of marriage – being between a man and women. The reversal of Church doctrine is an impossibility because the Catholic Church is infallible.  I also to an extent sympathize with his advocating for some rights for the gay community. It is my belief that homosexuals should have the right to partake in their partner’s medical benefits as well as have the right to visit their partner in the hospital but am adamantly against same-sex marriage. Just because gay rights activists claim that not allowing homosexuals to marry is unfair or a matter of equality doesn’t make it true. Is it really fair to equate a homosexual couple with a heterosexual couple when the homosexual couple has no possibility of being open to procreating naturally and the heterosexual couple has the possibility to be open to procreating naturally? To me it is fallacious and unfair to equate the two sets of different couples as equal.

The postmodern culture today complicates life with their support of gay “marriage”, embryonic stem cell therapy, abortion, sexual promiscuity, replacing fathers with government checks and thrives on the denial of truth, spreading doubt. Is this doubt a sign of Jesus? Is this doubt one avenue being used by Satan to attack all that is good and true in life? The devil lays awake conjuring up ways to prey upon and take advantage of those who are weak of faith. If these temptations were nonexistent would you be questioning the validity of truth and faith?

Doubt has the possibility of festering inside us and morphing into disbelief. One must reflect on how one entered this doubting phase. Was it due to influences outside of the Church? Have the you given in to the secularist, postmodern world that revels in doubt and promotes it as if it were advertising it on a gigantic billboard? Do you have an ulterior motive behind questioning core defining principles of the Church? Is it because you seek truth outside the One,Holy,Catholic and Apostolic Church and see these Churches as equivalent to the Church Christ founded? If so, you are questioning the existential nature of the Church and thus questioning whether the Church was founded by Jesus Christ, the Son of God.

In John 20:24-29 the apostle Thomas needed to see the nail holes in our Risen Lord’s hands and feet in order to believe but Jesus said blessed are those who believe without seeing. Having faith means believing without seeing, without needing empirical evidence to prove the existence of God The Father, Jesus, and The Holy Spirit.

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Deacon Greg Kandra provides us with a couple of excellent explanations as to the reasons why two Catholics may only get married in a Church and not in the outdoors or in a hotel or any other place.  He also mentions that this restriction is not absolute when a Catholic is marrying a non-Catholic but does not offer an explanation for this difference.  Now I can’t help but wonder about what justifies that difference in the way a marriage between two Catholics is treated in comparison to a marriage in which there is  what the Church used to call “disparity of cult”.  Disparity of cult used to be an impediment to marriage and in general was only allowed in exceptional circumstances.  That is no longer the case.  Now disparity of cult seems to be, not an exceptional dispensation which is granted no additional benefits, but  a privileged condition which grants a certain liberty which is not enjoyed by two Catholics marrying each other.   How can this be, and what is the Church saying when She lifts both the general restriction against disparity of cult and also lifts the absolute prohibition of a Catholic getting married anywhere but inside a Catholic church specifically where such disparity exists?  It almost seems as if she is saying that a marriage contracted between two Catholics is a very serious thing, but a marriage of a Catholic to a non-Catholic…well, not so much…maybe it’s a real marriage, maybe not.  In any case, it’s nothing to get all uptight about, so,  fine, go ahead and marry your Jewish fiancée’ on the beach.

 

~The Thoughts relayed in this post are by both Kevin and Teresa~

 

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This is a very informative video.  Father Daniel McCaffrey gives some excellent reasons why the pill kills marriage.  He is humble man who in his teachings is candid about the great need for clergy to preach on Humane Vitae, Theology of the Body and the pill from the pulpit.  He is also funny.  His talk is on much more than the pill.  Catholics are obligated to follow the teachings put out in Humanae Vitae on the pill or contraception.  Here are the relevant sections on birth control or contraceptive methods from Humanae Vitae:

Unlawful Birth Control Methods

14. Therefore We base Our words on the first principles of a human and Christian doctrine of marriage when We are obliged once more to declare that the direct interruption of the generative process already begun and, above all, all direct abortion, even for therapeutic reasons, are to be absolutely excluded as lawful means of regulating the number of children. (14) Equally to be condemned, as the magisterium of the Church has affirmed on many occasions, is direct sterilization, whether of the man or of the woman, whether permanent or temporary. (15)

Similarly excluded is any action which either before, at the moment of, or after sexual intercourse, is specifically intended to prevent procreation—whether as an end or as a means. (16)

Neither is it valid to argue, as a justification for sexual intercourse which is deliberately contraceptive, that a lesser evil is to be preferred to a greater one, or that such intercourse would merge with procreative acts of past and future to form a single entity, and so be qualified by exactly the same moral goodness as these. Though it is true that sometimes it is lawful to tolerate a lesser moral evil in order to avoid a greater evil or in order to promote a greater good,” it is never lawful, even for the gravest reasons, to do evil that good may come of it (18)—in other words, to intend directly something which of its very nature contradicts the moral order, and which must therefore be judged unworthy of man, even though the intention is to protect or promote the welfare of an individual, of a family or of society in general. Consequently, it is a serious error to think that a whole married life of otherwise normal relations can justify sexual intercourse which is deliberately contraceptive and so intrinsically wrong.

Lawful Therapeutic Means

15. On the other hand, the Church does not consider at all illicit the use of those therapeutic means necessary to cure bodily diseases, even if a foreseeable impediment to procreation should result there from—provided such impediment is not directly intended for any motive whatsoever. (19)

Recourse to Infertile Periods

16. Now as We noted earlier (no. 3), some people today raise the objection against this particular doctrine of the Church concerning the moral laws governing marriage, that human intelligence has both the right and responsibility to control those forces of irrational nature which come within its ambit and to direct them toward ends beneficial to man. Others ask on the same point whether it is not reasonable in so many cases to use artificial birth control if by so doing the harmony and peace of a family are better served and more suitable conditions are provided for the education of children already born. To this question We must give a clear reply. The Church is the first to praise and commend the application of human intelligence to an activity in which a rational creature such as man is so closely associated with his Creator. But she affirms that this must be done within the limits of the order of reality established by God.

If therefore there are well-grounded reasons for spacing births, arising from the physical or psychological condition of husband or wife, or from external circumstances, the Church teaches that married people may then take advantage of the natural cycles immanent in the reproductive system and engage in marital intercourse only during those times that are infertile, thus controlling birth in a way which does not in the least offend the moral principles which We have just explained. (20)

Neither the Church nor her doctrine is inconsistent when she considers it lawful for married people to take advantage of the infertile period but condemns as always unlawful the use of means which directly prevent conception, even when the reasons given for the later practice may appear to be upright and serious. In reality, these two cases are completely different. In the former the married couple rightly use a faculty provided them by nature. In the later they obstruct the natural development of the generative process. It cannot be denied that in each case the married couple, for acceptable reasons, are both perfectly clear in their intention to avoid children and wish to make sure that none will result. But it is equally true that it is exclusively in the former case that husband and wife are ready to abstain from intercourse during the fertile period as often as for reasonable motives the birth of another child is not desirable. And when the infertile period recurs, they use their married intimacy to express their mutual love and safeguard their fidelity toward one another. In doing this they certainly give proof of a true and authentic love.

Consequences of Artificial Methods

17. Responsible men can become more deeply convinced of the truth of the doctrine laid down by the Church on this issue if they reflect on the consequences of methods and plans for artificial birth control. Let them first consider how easily this course of action could open wide the way for marital infidelity and a general lowering of moral standards. Not much experience is needed to be fully aware of human weakness and to understand that human beings—and especially the young, who are so exposed to temptation—need incentives to keep the moral law, and it is an evil thing to make it easy for them to break that law. Another effect that gives cause for alarm is that a man who grows accustomed to the use of contraceptive methods may forget the reverence due to a woman, and, disregarding her physical and emotional equilibrium, reduce her to being a mere instrument for the satisfaction of his own desires, no longer considering her as his partner whom he should surround with care and affection.

Finally, careful consideration should be given to the danger of this power passing into the hands of those public authorities who care little for the precepts of the moral law. Who will blame a government which in its attempt to resolve the problems affecting an entire country resorts to the same measures as are regarded as lawful by married people in the solution of a particular family difficulty? Who will prevent public authorities from favoring those contraceptive methods which they consider more effective? Should they regard this as necessary, they may even impose their use on everyone. It could well happen, therefore, that when people, either individually or in family or social life, experience the inherent difficulties of the divine law and are determined to avoid them, they may give into the hands of public authorities the power to intervene in the most personal and intimate responsibility of husband and wife.

 

I actually had a complicated situation or what I thought was a complicated situation while I attended college due to me having so much trouble with my endometriosis.   Before I was married my physician suggested and eventually prescribed for me to use birth control pills in order to control my endometriosis which caused and still at times causes me great pain today.  I was so worried that I would be going against Church doctrine when I needed to take the pill to treat my endometriosis that I sought the counsel of a priest.  This is when he explained to me that the Church allows exceptions for therapeutic use of “the pill” to treat diseases.  When a person doesn’t use the pill for contraceptive means then the pill is not in essence a contraceptive.   The pill is only used as a contraceptive when the chemicals in the pill are being used to prevent pregnancy.  Ever since I have been married I have not used the pill in order to avoid the possibility of the pill becoming an abortifacient and killing an unborn child. 

This video is long but well worth the listen. 

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