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I am befuddled, perplexed, and lost for words and ways to help my husband, so we will be together again.  How can a person be helped if they repeat mistakes and are unwilling to look at and learn from the past?  It breaks my heart but I it is inexplicable to me how he thinks and acts, plus his inability to listen to advice and to try that advice to change for the better.

Right now I know the main thing I can do is to pray for my husband.  I pray that our marriage, a holy covenant, doesn’t fall apart but…

My heart aches…

God is in control. I know this. Even though things with my husband seem so discombobulated.

God Bless.

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Okay, I need to get to my husband Kevin Rice. He broke his fibula and will be having surgery on it. Because of eviction, financial stuff and other crap we have been separated. I need to take care of him. Looking for job around Boca Raton, Delray Beach area. Praying…

Kevin is probably out of surgery by now.

This is so…. I don’t know. Crazy.

I had already bought plane ticket to see him for our anniversary.  God is calling on me to move to Florida and take care of my husband. So unexpected. But everything happens for a reason. Relying on Jesus for guidance.

Asking for prayers.

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H/T LifeSiteNews

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Right now I am dealing with life one day at a time.  Trying to figure it out.  Trying to figure out how I go forward, how we go forward.  Talking to God takes quite a bit of effort.  Listening to God is even harder.  Kevin and I are separated not by choice but due to life’s circumstances.  Sickness, unemployment, problems with finances, and eviction.  I never thought this would happen to me.  I now know hard times can fall on anyone.  I so thought life would be different from this.  I know God is *there* but He seems distant.  I know God is watching over us and guiding us.  Even though I know this I doubt.  I ask “How can this be?” “I am going through this crap and He’s letting me go through very hard times.”  Yet I have this feeling that God is in charge and things will be better.  Eventually.  But impatiently I wonder when.  And hope it happens sooner than later.  To help me get through this time I have been praying, reading, and talking to family and friends.  God Bless.

 

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“Once, I had night duty, and I was suffering greatly in spirit because of the painting of the image, and I no longer knew which way to turn because they were constantly trying to convince me that the whole thing was an illusion.  On the other hand, one priest said that perhaps God wanted to be worshiped through this image and therefore I ought to try to get it painted.  Meanwhile, my soul was becoming extremely exhausted.  When I entered the little chapel, I brought my head close to the tabernacle, knocked and said, ‘Jesus look at the great difficulties I am having because of the painting of this image.’  And I heard a voice from the tabernacle, My daughter, your sufferings will not last much longer.

                                                                                                                                St. Faustina 

                                                                                                                               Diary Number 152

 

My Thoughts:  Lord Jesus I give you my great difficulties today to do with as you wish.  Mend them.  Don’t mend them.  Show me a different path.  Don’t show me a different way.  Heal me.  Don’t heal me.  Please help me to see how everything I am going through has a purpose and a place in your plan for me.  I ask you to guide me along the correct path.  Amen. 

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Psalm 87

The Joy of Living in Zion

Of the Korahites. A Psalm. A Song.

On the holy mount stands the city he founded;
    the Lord loves the gates of Zion
    more than all the dwellings of Jacob.
Glorious things are spoken of you,
    O city of God.  Selah

Among those who know me I mention Rahab and Babylon;
    Philistia too, and Tyre, with Ethiopia[a]
    ‘This one was born there,’ they say.

And of Zion it shall be said,
    ‘This one and that one were born in it’;
    for the Most High himself will establish it.
The Lord records, as he registers the peoples,
    ‘This one was born there.’  Selah

Singers and dancers alike say,
    ‘All my springs are in you.’

Psalm 88

Prayer for Help in Despondency

A Song. A Psalm of the Korahites. To the leader: according to Mahalath Leannoth. A Maskil of Heman the Ezrahite.

O Lord, God of my salvation,
    when, at night, I cry out in your presence,
let my prayer come before you;
    incline your ear to my cry.

For my soul is full of troubles,
    and my life draws near to Sheol.
I am counted among those who go down to the Pit;
    I am like those who have no help,
like those forsaken among the dead,
    like the slain that lie in the grave,
like those whom you remember no more,
    for they are cut off from your hand.
You have put me in the depths of the Pit,
    in the regions dark and deep.
Your wrath lies heavy upon me,
    and you overwhelm me with all your waves.  Selah

You have caused my companions to shun me;
    you have made me a thing of horror to them.
I am shut in so that I cannot escape;
    my eye grows dim through sorrow.
Every day I call on you, O Lord;
    I spread out my hands to you.
10 Do you work wonders for the dead?
    Do the shades rise up to praise you?  Selah
11 Is your steadfast love declared in the grave,
    or your faithfulness in Abaddon?
12 Are your wonders known in the darkness,
    or your saving help in the land of forgetfulness?

13 But I, O Lord, cry out to you;
    in the morning my prayer comes before you.
14 O Lord, why do you cast me off?
    Why do you hide your face from me?
15 Wretched and close to death from my youth up,
    I suffer your terrors; I am desperate.[a]
16 Your wrath has swept over me;
    your dread assaults destroy me.
17 They surround me like a flood all day long;
    from all sides they close in on me.
18 You have caused friend and neighbour to shun me;
    my companions are in darkness.

Here are my thoughts after reading and praying: 

Yes, the Lord loves me.  I question whether the He loves me.  I am in pain, constantly.  How can a good God allow me to be in such extreme pain?  I think, there must be a purpose, but don’t know what.  in my heart I know that Jesus loves me but my brain questions His love for me.  I am sympathetic to those who wonder how an all good, omniscient, and omnipotent God can allow such horrible tragedies, diseases, disasters, and turmoil in this world?  We need to remember that God does not intervene in persons free will decisions.  In going through my pain I have become closer to Christ.  Are these sufferings a wake up call?  God wants us to be closer to Him but these tragedies are odd ways for that to occur.  Yet we do not understand the ways of the Lord.  The Lord calls us to trust Him.  This is hard when going through tough times.  We are called to have faith that God has a plan for each of us and that He will guide and take us to where we need to be. 

 

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Is this climb up the mountain ever going to end?  I feel like as time goes by life just gets tougher.  Those who have been following this blog for a while know that my health issues have worsened over the past five years.  Then you add onto that financial, car, and apartment issues. Even though at the present time I feel like I’m climbing up Mt. Everest I can feel God’s presence, Him saying “Be patient. Trust me. Things will be better soon.”  I have definitely been relying on my faith to help me get through this.  God is good. God is love. God is there for us to lean on.

Due to my dealing with some major issues I have for the most part been absent from the blogosphere.  Hopefully things will be resolved soon and I will be back to blogging regularly.  God Bless.

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