Over the past few months I have felt like there are battles going on inside me. I feel like I am fighting a losing battle with my health. The pain gets so bad and runs me down. I have endured pain for more than a decade and a half. I thought that the hysterectomy would have given me a decent amount of relief. But it didn’t. This was a kick in the gut to me. Then six months later I started having extreme pain in my bones and joints all over my body. I take meds to help with the pain and have been going to physical therapy for about a month. Physical therapy has helped somewhat with mobility but very little with the pain. I have tried different things to lessen the pain and it seems like the pain is winning.
Since having the hysterectomy I have been coping with depression and anxiety. Thankfully I’m better than I used to be. But I still have thoughts that I’ve failed as a woman since I was unable to conceive. This breaks my heart. A number of people have told me that I’ m not less of a woman because I was unable to become pregnant. I have said this to myself many times but saying it over and over again doesn’t make me believe it in my heart. I want to believe but…I’m still working on it.