I have never struggled so deeply like this or for this length of time before. Yesterday I broke down crying in my doctor’s office. He said that I may look okay on the outside but on the inside I am not whole. In essence he means I am not healthy even though I may look like it. From what he heard me say he says that I’m being too hard on myself. I think the 16 years of dealing with extreme pain have caught up with me, along with the hysterectomy, the huge loss of not having a child, lack of hormones, and the gradual introduction of hormones. My doctor said that I need to focus on myself and my healing and for me to think positive. I have never been so sad in my life. It’s not due to lack of faith or anything like that because I know God is helping me get through my struggles and that He has sent some very special people into my life both in my community and in the blogosphere but this is just something that I’m going to have to work through little by little, one day at a time. As I was sitting here I thought of a poem. This may or may not be its final form. I’m not sure. It’s called Broken.
Broken by Teresa Rice
Broken pieces jumbled inside me
Upside down, discolored, and chipped
A brokenness so indescribable
Putting the pieces back together one day at a time
One day all the pieces will fit and the broken will be healed.