On Thursday I started taking hormone, hormone replacement therapy since I had a hysterectomy in September. On Friday I woke up feeling sad. I had an interview at noon but it started snowing a couple of hours before my interview and the roads were pretty awful to drive on so I left pretty early but since everyone was driving very, very slow due to the horrible snow conditions I ended up getting to my interview about 15 minutes late. The interview went okay I guess but I had a hard time remembering examples from other job related experiences. It really took my all to remember. Overall I felt sad, frustrated and not really like myself but I think the interview went okay. As I headed home, still having to deal with the snowy roads an ever-growing sadness began to come over me. After my husband left for work, I cried and cried and don’t know why. I would stop crying for a period of time then would start crying again. This happened over a 2-3 hour period. And I don’t know why. I woke up yesterday filled with sadness. Even Kevin said I looked sad. Today I am a little less sad but still have a sadness about me. I don’t want to be sad. I don’t understand why I’m feeling so sad lately. I do think it is hormone related. Before I started taking the hormones I was happy and fine for the most part. At times I was working through some emotions related to the loss due to the hysterectomy but turning the corner nonetheless. Now I feel like I’ve been hammered backwards by a freight truck or something.
During this time I spoke to God, praying to Him for guidance. Praying to Him for a sign. I opened up my Bible to Psalm 23 – The Lord is my shepherd. I know God is with me. I know that our Lord is watching over me and with me as I go through this bit of struggling but this verse cemented it. God was telling me that He is beside me as I go through this dark valley in my life. God sure did answer. Thank you God. God will help me as I go through this bit of what I would call hell on earth. God is with each of us as we go through life’s struggles. He is there to listen to us.
A few days ago I started reading The Interior Castle by St. Teresa of Avila and that is also helping me. The book is really speaking to me. St. Teresa had her share of struggles and health issues but she had a love and faithfulness for God that is very inspiring. She truly trusted in His will. I love the picture that pops into my mind as she describes the interior castle. I highly recommend that people read The Interior Castle. You can download the audio here.
Here is one of my favorite songs.
Hopefully I will get to post on the Blog of the Year Award later today. I’m sending a very big thank you to everyone who have been so thoughtful to bestow me with this award. God Bless.