I must admit that since Wednesday morning I’ve been experiencing periods of sadness. I’ve been crying on and off. I know the surgery was the right thing to do. I am not angry with anyone, especially not God. Because I do know that He is looking out for me. Not that I didn’t know what the operation would do but the past few days it hit me like a ton of bricks that I no longer have my reproductive organs. The procedure is done and believe me I am thankful to God and all his angels because I am feeling so much better but it is so hard…. crying crying as I write this…. I am so sad. I have been praying and asking God’s help through this tough time but…. I have just suffered a big loss and I just don’t know….
I called my doc yesterday because I thought something was wrong around one of my stitches. He thought I could have gotten an infection so besides calling me in an antibiotic he wanted to see me to make sure the stitches were okay. This morning as I was waiting to see my doctor tears started rolling down my cheeks. Just all of a sudden. I was thinking geesh I sure have been a watering sprinkler lately with tears popping up when I least expect it. He came in after I had stopped crying and gotten myself together but I ended up telling him that I had been crying anyway. We talked about it. He was so understanding. He said that I have a right to be sad and basically that if I wasn’t he would be wondering what’s wrong with me. He said that he’s sad for me and that he would pray for me during the next week in between visits. He said for me to continue to look to God for guidance during this time. He made me feel much better. He is such a caring doctor. Thankfully I don’t have an infection but the oddest thing happened. I have an allergic reaction to the band-aid and it blistered. But what’s weird about it and we couldn’t figure out is why I don’t have allergic reactions around my other areas where stitches are. Different band-aid? Who knows?
After I came home I offered a prayer to God asking for his help to guide me through my struggles. I also asked Him to lead me to the right spot in the Bible. And yes so amazingly he did. I opened to Psalm 113: 7-9 .
Psalm 113: 7-9 says: He raises up the lowly from the dust;
from the dunghill he lifts up the poor
To seat them with princes,
with the princes of his own people.
He establishes in her home the barren wife
as the joyful mother of children.
My first response after seeing this was God is wonderful. God is watching out for me. I know that and have known that for a long time but I have been so emotional these past few days and crying, crying, crying (and I’m not even a crier) that I hadn’t really turned to Him and asked Him for assistance til today. God has brought peace to me. Now I feel so much better sharing my struggles with the Lord and all my blogging buddies. God Bless.