I must admit that since Wednesday morning I’ve been experiencing periods of sadness. I’ve been crying on and off. I know the surgery was the right thing to do. I am not angry with anyone, especially not God. Because I do know that He is looking out for me. Not that I didn’t know what the operation would do but the past few days it hit me like a ton of bricks that I no longer have my reproductive organs. The procedure is done and believe me I am thankful to God and all his angels because I am feeling so much better but it is so hard…. crying crying as I write this…. I am so sad. I have been praying and asking God’s help through this tough time but…. I have just suffered a big loss and I just don’t know….
I called my doc yesterday because I thought something was wrong around one of my stitches. He thought I could have gotten an infection so besides calling me in an antibiotic he wanted to see me to make sure the stitches were okay. This morning as I was waiting to see my doctor tears started rolling down my cheeks. Just all of a sudden. I was thinking geesh I sure have been a watering sprinkler lately with tears popping up when I least expect it. He came in after I had stopped crying and gotten myself together but I ended up telling him that I had been crying anyway. We talked about it. He was so understanding. He said that I have a right to be sad and basically that if I wasn’t he would be wondering what’s wrong with me. He said that he’s sad for me and that he would pray for me during the next week in between visits. He said for me to continue to look to God for guidance during this time. He made me feel much better. He is such a caring doctor. Thankfully I don’t have an infection but the oddest thing happened. I have an allergic reaction to the band-aid and it blistered. But what’s weird about it and we couldn’t figure out is why I don’t have allergic reactions around my other areas where stitches are. Different band-aid? Who knows?
After I came home I offered a prayer to God asking for his help to guide me through my struggles. I also asked Him to lead me to the right spot in the Bible. And yes so amazingly he did. I opened to Psalm 113: 7-9 .
Psalm 113: 7-9 says: He raises up the lowly from the dust;
from the dunghill he lifts up the poor
To seat them with princes,
with the princes of his own people.
He establishes in her home the barren wife
as the joyful mother of children.
My first response after seeing this was God is wonderful. God is watching out for me. I know that and have known that for a long time but I have been so emotional these past few days and crying, crying, crying (and I’m not even a crier) that I hadn’t really turned to Him and asked Him for assistance til today. God has brought peace to me. Now I feel so much better sharing my struggles with the Lord and all my blogging buddies. God Bless.
Teresa, I don’t know if your Dr. told you that the hysterectomy would trigger menopause and all the hormonal changes that come with it, but one of the biggest is the mood swings. Hot flashes are a part of the equation as well. Some Dr.s will start a patient on hormonal therapy and some will not. If you Dr. has not mentioned this, perhaps it might be a good idea to bring it up yourself.Every woman is different, but it does take a little time to get through it. It is not just your mind that feels the loss, but your body as well and it is letting you know. I had uterine cancer about ten years ago and had to have a total radical hyserectomy and was quite surprised by the problems because my Dr. did not mention them. As a nurse myself, I expect that she just assumed that I knew, but there were so many things going on that it just didn’t occur to me. God bless you my friend!
Loopyloo,
My Dr. said that it would be at least six months before we would make the decision to put me on hormones or not. That would give enough time for all of the endo to die out. He didn’t go into the hot flashes and other symptoms. In 2008 I was put onto something called depot lupron which put me into a temporary menopause. I was so thankful that I didn’t have hardly any hot flashes or much of the other symptoms. So if that is an indicator maybe I won’t have too many hot flashes. At least that’s what I’m hoping. Thank you so much for all your kind words and information on the hormonal changes. God Bless.
My Girl,
I cry with you. I understand what you are feeling as I felt the same even though I had children. It is something about our reproductive organs that we as women hate to part with. After a few months I felt so much better, and I was so glad. As looyloo said the “hormonal changes” are great also. I cried a lot too. So given the hormonal thing with the other, it becomes a little too much to handle at times.
I know you Teresa, and I know the strength you have. I know the faith you have. I also know the love you have for God. Given all of these three things plus being “My Girl” you are going to rise from this stronger than before.
You know I am here and you know you can email me anytime. You are getting a new candle tomorrow as your old one is about burned up:>) It has burned everyday since Monday.
Prayers and love are with you and for you. You hang in there, because there is a little baby with your and Kevin’s name on it. What a lucky baby:>)
Love you with all my heart and God Bless, SR
SR,
I am positive that I will feel better in a few months time too. I really appreciate your kind words and your confidence in me. Sometimes I don’t have much confidence in myself but I’m not sure that’s even the case now. Just sad on and off. I know my faith and strength will guide me. I also know that I can’t keep my feelings inside like I have in some other situations. That usually doesn’t work out too well for me. I will email you soon. Thank you for your caring and thoughtful words my friend. Thank you for the candle lighting for me. God has told me that a baby or child is waiting for us. I can feel it in my heart. Love you and God Bless my Sister in Christ.
Teresa, I’ve read your post over and over trying to come up with something to say, but I can’t seem to find the right words. I could give you a very nursey response, but that doesn’t seem appropriate. After reading again, all I can do is send you a big, heartfelt, loving cyber hug to acknowledge your pain and your loss. Prayers, sweet lady, my prayers for you.
8kidsandabusiness,
That is so thoughtful of you to send me a cyber hug. It is most appreciated. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. These past few months I have been thinking about a new beginning, a new career, and have always been interested in the medical field so yesterday I applied to take classes at our local community college for medical assisting. I plan to start in the spring. God Bless.
That’s wonderful news!
Praying for you Theresa -
Thank you Saraspondence. God Bless.
I had a hysterectomy too, and left sided oophorectomy. It’s an emotional surgery to have. I wished that I had known about the Myomectomy. But, the doctor did not give me the option. If it was a man getting that done, I know the doctor would have thought twice before leaving out another option. Hang in there. Prayers.