Catholibertarian

Psalm 56(RSV)
1 To the choirmaster: according to The Dove on Far-off Terebinths. A Miktam of David, when the Philistines seized him in Gath. Be gracious to me, O God, for men trample upon me; all day long foemen oppress me; 2 my enemies trample upon me all day long, for many fight against me proudly. 3 When I am afraid, I put my trust in thee. 4 In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust without a fear. What can flesh do to me? 5 All day long they seek to injure my cause; all their thoughts are against me for evil. 6 They band themselves together, they lurk, they watch my steps. As they have waited for my life, 7 so recompense them for their crime; in wrath cast down the peoples, O God! 8 Thou hast kept count of my tossings; put thou my tears in thy bottle! Are they not in thy book? 9 Then my enemies will be turned back in the day when I call. This I know, that God is for me. 10 In God, whose word I praise, in the LORD, whose word I praise, 11 in God I trust without a fear. What can man do to me? 12 My vows to thee I must perform, O God; I will render thank offerings to thee. 13 For thou hast delivered my soul from death, yea, my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of life.

Since March my pain has gotten worse and worse until the pain became excruciating – to the point where it was off the pain charts, a 12 out of 1-10 pain scale. After having had my my sixth endometriosis surgery last year and not having even gone a year without pain my doctor and I decided that a hysterectomy was my only option.  I could be going to a pain management specialist but I don’t want to be doped up on pain pills so that’s why I say that the hysterectomy is the best or only real option out of two not so good options. Last week Kevin and I had a visit with my doctor where my doc explained all that is involved with the surgery to us and he went onto explain to Kevin why hysterectomy was my one of two options but in his opinion the best option for to be able to achieve the best quality of life and be the most pain free.  Kevin and I talked and on Monday I firmed up my date for the surgery which is September 10.  

I have really trusted in God on this one especially since we don’t have any children.  I believe or have this feeling and can almost hear God calling us to adopt a little one.  Tuesday my pain was lessened, about twenty percent less than it had been for a few months.  Then today I had less pain, probably about a 7 or 8 on the pain scale.  I believe that God is having mercy on me.  While talking to my doc today he said that pain is also psychological.  He said, yes, the fact that Kevin and I had made the decision to have the hysterectomy can indeed cause a lessening of my pain.  But he also agreed with me about God having mercy on me before the surgery.  At first I became a confused emotional wreck questioning whether I am making the right decision about the surgery. After talking with both Kevin and my doctor I know I have made the right decision to go ahead with the hysterectomy. After all I have been dealing with endo for over 16 years, have had 6 surgeries and been put on depot lupron a few times.  The key here is to trust in God.  I am trying with all my heart to trust in his will for me.   Be not afraid. God Bless.